Weight Loss Hate Loss

When I was twice the size of my current self, I successfully walked for miles daily. I often played team sports, did at least two hours of regimented exercise every week and even have published photographic evidence of my active outdoor pursuits.

By contrast, since becoming thinner, I generally spend my days sat in front of a computer screen writing blog posts for a website called ‘Weight Loss Hate Loss’ (maybe you’ve heard of it?). I do far, far less exercise now than I ever did back then.

And yet, for some reason, peoples’ assessment of my physical capabilities remains inversely proportional. While no-one utters a sound as I wheeze my way to the top of the stairs as an averagely-weighted male, my former breathe-easy self would be met with cries of:

“Do you need to take a quick break before we go on?” and
“How about we take five so you can recuperate?”

Who needs self-esteem anyway, eh!?

#013 You’re now considered "fit", even if you aren’t.

Image: Michal Zacharzewski

Oh boy, do I love this one!

It’s the political correctness patronization all over again! What people mean to say is, “You look much slimmer, smaller, more petite, generally reduced, slightly less like a blue whale”, however they decide the best word to describe your situation is ‘healthier’.

Naturally you can point to evidence of bulimic supermodels, anorexic teenagers, steroidal bodybuilders and heroin addicts to emphasise the quality of any ‘weight/health’ connection, but everyone knows the fat, fat, fatties are going to end up dead in a ditch by forty, right?!

#012 – You’re now designated “healthy” because you’re not “fat”.

Image: Sanja Gjenero

Hooray – The schizophrenia has gone!

#011 - You’re no longer subject to hateful whispers from strangers in the street!

There was a time when every cutie who came your way was a ‘just good friend’ in waiting. Sure you’re a nice person and all, but who’d want to spoil all that camaraderie with the likes of a real relationship and, worse still, sexual activity.

But since dropping the weight, every little flirtation is opportunity for a lust-filled evening. Suddenly, your attractive acquaintances have always wanted to be more than ‘just good friends’ but there’d been something holding them back – no, not those extra sixty pounds you were carrying, it was something entirely different; your novelty necktie collection or your love of Bach perhaps?

#010 – You’re now treated as a sexual equal

Image: geo cristian

There was a time you could walk down the street all but ignored due to your girth-induced leprosy. Other than the obvious pointing, staring and other molestation directed toward your belly, people would generally do anything to avoid your presence.

But now the weight has lifted, you’re suddenly of value. The lurking charity collectors now find you a seductive target; the marketers want to know what you think about their latest products and the clipboarding data-rapists will accost you at any given opportunity.

Congratulations, you are now officially a worthwhile member of society!

#009 You now have an opinion that matters – whether it should or not.

Image: Kostya Kisleyko

If there’s one hypocrisy highlighted above all others during the weight-loss phase it’s the resident idea that a slither of cake or a half-glass of beer won’t hurt your progress.

Unsurprisingly, it’s those who reserve their vitriol for the overweight masses who like to pull the “one piece won’t hurt” stunt the most; they’ll happily applaud your dieting commitment while undermining it at the same time.

Shockingly though, these ‘secret saboteurs’ aren’t hushed down or socially chastised for their conceited efforts. Quite the contrary, they’re positively encouraged and you’re left to play the bad guy in this theatre of the damned:

“Oh c’mon Fatty Joe, everyone else is having one”
“Yes Fatty Joe, surely just the smallest bit won’t hurt”
“You can even share mine if you’d like”
“You simply must try one Fatty Joe, even if it’s only a single bite”

Yes Fatty Joe, you’re supposed to be the ‘human vacuum’ around here, isn’t it about time you dropped the whole weight loss façade and started acting like our garbage disposal again?! ‘Weight Loss Hate Loss’ number eight…

#008 – No longer taunted with ‘offers’ of food.

Image: Aneta Blaszczyk

Some clubs you join, others you’re made a part of. And in the case of obesity, the latter is mostly true.

Believe me when I say it’s quite vexing when the overweight are goaded together as a separate entity during communal events. After eliminating the smokers, fatties are the next faction ear-marked for social cleansing and, as such, are treated with the same level of contempt as their nicotine-loving cousins.

I don’t really blame the slender folk for this. After all, they assume that tubby people automatically share a common goal - a principal talking point if you will: “Sure, she’s a peacenik, liberal, with an intense phobia of spiders, and he’s a republican arachnid farmer with a penchant for gun-play - but they’re both ‘morbidly obese’ so bound to get along, right?!”

As you become thinner, your hosts are required to think more about the person underneath. They have to start considering elements of your actual personality when table planning, rather than mechanically resigning you to the table furthest away from the wedding party earmarked ‘chubby corner’.

#007 - No longer seated at the ‘fat table’ during social events.

Image: Thiago Martins

Every worthwhile challenge has its stumbling blocks, and in the world of dieting and weight-loss this little nugget sits right at home. If ever there was a loaded phrase you could do without, it’d be:

“I didn't think you needed to lose more weight!”

Well thank you doctor, I’ll keep that one in mind while I examine all the medical evidence to the contrary. The orator of the phrase doesn’t realize its true value; the effects of such Trojan complements often go by completely unnoticed by the slender masses. But when decoded, the backhanded complement actually reads something like:

“Okay, so you’ve dropped a few pounds, but isn’t it about time you stopped this. I mean, we’re all happy you made this lifestyle change but without you overeating and drinking too much you’re beginning to highlight my own unhealthy ways. I don’t feel comfortable eating pounds of hydrogenated fat while you're gnawing away on salad all the time. In fact, I think you could probably do with putting a few kilos back on again to remedy the situation.”

#006 – You no longer receive demotivational speeches regarding your weight (loss).

Have you tried the Cabbage diet: eat as much cabbage as you like with no limits? How about the Egg diet: half a dozen eggs ingested daily in whatever manner best suits your lifestyle.

Then you have the esoteric combination diets which taste worse than they sound; apricot and avocado, spinach and grapefruit; what about the ever pleasant water and watercress diet? All the fun of dysentery minus the remnants of your daily intake of vitamins and minerals.

Fatter folks are palmed ‘diet sheets’ daily from people who’ve never lost more than a pound of fat in their lives. Each week offers a brand-new awe-inspired detox solution discovered by African tribesmen three thousand years ago, yet only introduced to the west of Europe in this past month.

Inevitably, there’s always a piece missing from this ‘diet hint’ equation: that is, I don’t actually need yet another dieting miracle solution; because it’s not a miracle solution at all, it’s the same lazy, marketing-spun information that everyone’s heard for years – avoid the cake, cookies, refined sugars and ice cream. Now go sell your snake oil elsewhere.

#005 – No longer given nutritionally suspect dieting advice

Image: Marta Rostek

Here’s a friendly warning for those of you who are trying to lose weight. If there’s one phrase you’re likely to hear a hundred times before you’re done shedding the pounds its:

“Oh My Goodness! Look at you! You’re all skin and bones!”

The first time you hear it you can’t help but take it in a complementary fashion. After all, it took a lot of hard work to shed those first six pounds!

However, as the days and weeks go by, you slowly feel the murky undercurrent that accompanies the words; the disingenuous delivery and the accompanying melodrama with its cloying dissonance.

We may have lost a love handle or two, but we’re not dumb. We don’t need to be encouraged like pre-school children. “Congratulations on dropping a few pounds” may not sound quite as dynamic, but for my money it sure beats the histrionic alternative.

#004 - You're no longer subjected to theatrical ‘weight loss’ pleasantries

Image: FeodoraU

Sometimes it’s not the direct people who hurt the most. Sometimes it’s the furtive nature of the delivery that leaves the biggest festering wounds:

“He’s just a bit husky”
“He’s always been big boned”
“I’m sure most of it is water weight!”
“He’s not fat – just nice and chunky”

No. I’m not ‘husky’, I’m not ‘big boned’, I don’t have eight stone of ‘water weight’ and I certainly outrank the likes of ‘chunky’. I know it, you know it, so don’t let’s dance around the issue.

There’s nothing worse than skirting around the elephant in the room with mellifluous sentiments; being overweight isn’t an issue unless you make it one by attempting to mask your distaste for the truth with sanitising comments such as those above.

#003 - You're no longer patronized with ‘politically correct’ terms

Image: csedo

We all have different designations in life depending on how we’re perceived by other groups. I’m often referred to as ‘the techie guy’ by casual acquaintances, while some close friends see me as ‘the new music guy’.

Occasionally I’ve been referenced by other monikers too, but all have one thing in common: they define who or what I am to other people. To this end, there are few portrayals more callous than the bottom-feeding rank of ‘fat friend’.

It’s strange to watch as buddies you’ve known for decades slowly slip away from your social scene. You were the human equivalent of their ‘comfortable old sweater’; someone they could rely on to bolster their self worth – be it through guilt-free overindulgence or plain old vanity.

With your new slender figure, they can no longer hide their depressingly low feelings of self-worth behind your bodily flaws. The more pounds you drop, the fewer emails and text messages you share, until eventually they’ve cut you off for good.

What can we take away from all this? Why ‘Weight Loss Hate Loss’ change number two of course:

#002 - You’re no longer the ‘fat friend’.

Image: Sanja Gjenero

There are no shortage of people who’ll tell you our privacy and anonymity are of paramount importance.

Nations have been founded on the basic right of confidentiality, and even in an era when these privileges are slowly eroding, they are still a fundamental part of our everyday existance within the Western world…

…unless, of course, you’re a fatty…

With a hefty mass, you’re unlikely to remain invisible for long, that much at least, can be taken for granted. But what is demonstrated time and again is the cruel ability for people to point and laugh.

However, this is no mere titter from the sidelines (although, there will be more on this later, I can guarantee it) – it’s an all out assault, the likes of which you haven’t heard since the witch trials at Salem. Chanting, shouting and an unnatural urge to point and physically prod - the rotund members of society know all too well they’re ‘fair game’ for the drunk and socially ham-fisted; being overweight, you lose the right to remain lost in the crowd.

So, ‘Weight Loss Hate Loss’ change number one is simple:

#001 - You're no longer freely abused in public.

Images: Matthias Gelinski and Craig Jewell

This post will eventually contain a list of commonly posed questions. As the website grows, the post will be edited to reflect the answers to everyday queries.

Q. What’s the website all about?
A. You can read the answer in full by clicking here!

Q. Why do you use terms like 'fatty', 'lardy', etc? I think they're so hateful...
A. I'm not utilising them in a pejorative context; I'm merely using such terms to help provide a better descriptive terminology within the blog. Also, I feel using 'politically correct' terms to skirt around the issue is somewhat more offensive than other potentially offensive words.